Carl’s the name, widespread corruption is the game!

Cutting corners is what we’re all about, which is why we’re the WORLD’S ONLY professional car wash that cleans cars by our employees gobbing all over them!

And if that sounds revolting, it’s probably because it is! But don’t let that stop you—we save on soap and water, ensuring we have the cheapest prices in town!

Car Washes Like You’ve Never Experienced Them Before!

It’s simple. At Carl’s Corrupt Car Washing Enterprises Ltd. all you need to do is turn up in your vehicle and wait your turn.

Once one of our highly trained employees is free, he or she will amble over to your vehicle and begin gobbing (spitting) all over it*!

It’s our patented Spit & Sheen technique! Here’s the full service:

• Fresh gobbing cleaning all over your vehicle.
• Our employee will then use his/her sleeve to wipe off the gob!
• Want a blow dry!? Our team of experts will gather round to exhale on your vehicle for that brand new car look we all crave.

That’s it! No ifs, no buts, just fresh gob STRAIGHT from the mouths of Carl’s Corrupt Car Washing Enterprises Ltd. employees!

*Please note, we advise you have your windows closed firmly shut during the cleaning process. For, you know, obvious reasons.

Disclaimer: Payment of £100 upon arrival required upfront, no change is on the premises, and Carl’s Corrupt Car Washing Enterprises Ltd. customers attend the premises at their own risk. No refunds. No discounts. Electric vehicles? Get lost, you liberal lefty scum! Climate change is a hoax invented by communists. 

Carl’s Corrupt Side Hustle

Carl’s Corrupt Car Washing Enterprises Ltd. is fantastic! But, come on… we’ve all seen Breaking Bad. We all know what really goes on at car washes!

That’s why, behind the scenes, Carl is engaged in as much corrupt behaviour as humanly possible! You name it, he does it:

• Bribery
• Lobbying
• Extortion
• Cronyism
• Nepotism
• Parochialism
• Patronage
• Influence peddling
• Graft
• Embezzlement
• Loan-sharking

Carl is a shifty bastard who’s difficult to pin down. But there’s one thing he does guarantee (asides from his constant fraudulence) and that’s TRANSPARENCY.

Yes, Carl loves an open and honest working environment.

That’s why he’s as clear as daylight about the extortion rackets he has going on in the background. As Carl says:

“If everyone knows about your corruption, then it’s no longer really corruption! It’s just working hard for a living… through duplicitous and illegal means.”

Please note, Carl said “through duplicitous and illegal means” at a very, very fast talking speed. He may, in fact, have actually said:

“Through honesty and creativity with an altruistic desire to fuel the local economy with funding, well paid new jobs, and goodwill.”

Hang on, wait… no, he’s confirmed he definitely said, “through duplicitous and illegal means”. Well, there’s that trademark transparency for you!

So, come on down to Carl’s Corrupt Car Washing Enterprises Ltd. and get your car gobbed on by minimum wage paid employees.

And bask in the knowledge that while Carl may be susceptible to corruption, he’ll never skimp on being the ONLY car wash in the world that relies on human spit to clean your vehicle. Isn’t that nice*?!

*Disclaimer: Please note, we are aware that it is not nice and is, in fact, disgusting. As of May 2022, Carl’s Corrupt Car Washing Enterprises Ltd. is contemplating introducing sponges and buckets with soapy water as a secondary means to cleaning customer vehicles. Carl’s Corrupt Car Washing Enterprises Ltd. has petitioned to the local council for funding of the aforementioned sponges, buckets, and soapy water, which costs overhead, thus detracting from Carl’s annual bonus.