New Year. New YOU! NEW bottle of earwax-based washing up liquid for your kitchen! That’s right, Ernie’s Earwax Washing Up Liquid is the greasiest washing up liquid in town!
And we make it ENTIRELY out of earwax from members of the public!
Our sustainable and eco-friendly liquid will have your crockery looking shinier and weirder than ever before!
Earwax Washing Up Liquid: For the Shiniest of Plates For Those Who Aren’t Ingrates!
Let’s face it… washing up is a chore. In 2022, at least 33,000 people were decapitated while doing the dishes. And why? As they were BORED!
But with Ernie’s Earwax Washing Up Liquid, you can NEVER get bored doing the dishes. Here’s why:
- You’ll be too busy wiping earwax onto everything.
- You’ll be too busy telling your friends about our product!
- You’ll spend HOURS after doing the dishes trying to get disgusting, greasy earwax off your hands.
Ernie’s Earwax Washing Up Liquid is the BEST washing up liquid in town! Your home will never look more delightful, yet revolting, simultaneously!
And by pairing this product with bathroom cleanser Toilet Bastard, you’ll be sure to banish that bacteria to HELL where it all belongs!
How We Get Our Earwax
At Ernie’s Earwax Washing Up Liquid, we’re committed to our environmental dedications. That’s why we pledge never to:
- Rely on slave labour*.
- Pay our staff below minimum wage**.
- Use anything but the purest organic earwax***.
That is the Ernie Pledge. It is celebrated the world over. It is why we are the LEADING earwax-based washing up liquid provider on the global market.
*In countries where slave labour is illegal.
**Exceptions for nations lacking any legislation on this matter.
***Do note, we also use human excrement to substitute for earwax in the event of unplanned shortages.
Terms and Conditions for Ernie’s Earwax Washing Up Liquid
Terms and Conditions
Ernie’s Earwax Washing Up Liquid is a equal earwax opportunities business. Our earwax is sourced with a progressive mindset and is derived from the ears of all:
- Ideological mindsets.
Furthermore, our earwax is means tested prior to use in our washing up liquid tubs. If the earwax is perceived to have a hatred of doing the dishes, it is taken out back and detonated with 100lbs of explosives.
Do note, Ernie’s Earwax Washing Up Liquid is entirely against animal testing. However, the business is in the employ of an on-site guard dog who, on occasions, is known to sniff at bottles of the washing up liquid before moving away in total disgust.
The guard dog in question, Larry, is otherwise in great health and, this year already, has savaged 35 intruders to the Ernie’s Earwax Washing Up Liquid business premises. And, yes, we used Ernie’s Earwax Washing Up Liquid to clear up the bones and blood splatter after each incident with fantastic results.
The area looked so clean it was almost as if no mauling had taken please mere minutes earlier! That’s the Ernie’s Earwax Washing Up Liquid promise!