Haiku Fridays make the world go round. And this is our first proper once since our haiku Friday household chores session!

And now we’re back with some sublime words regarding the weekend. And the below all represent beautiful weekend for your average lager lout here in the UK.

It was a most moving experience penning such profound considerations, we can assure you. Ready for some fancy verbiage?! Bon!

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Friday Night Wasted

Wahey it’s Friday night,
I’m gonna behave like a bag of shite,
I’m getting leery and having a fight!

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Punching Dickheads in the Face

I’ve had one two many bevvies,
And assaulted my fair share of heavies,
Now I need to urinate in some levees.

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Chucking Up on the Floor

Oi oi I’m puking it all out!
But I assure you I’m no lager lout…
I’m just pretty sure I’ve got gout.

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Waking Up Hungover

Christ alive what the hell is that?!
My face feels like a doormat!
And my gut is like a commissariat.

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Staggering Off to the Loo

Oh Christ I’m not steady on my feet…
I wish I hadn’t had that kebab to eat,
I feel like a big fat geet.

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Staggering to the Couch

Urgh Jesus I’m putting my feet up,
But I’ll probs also need to chuck up,
The answer to all this is a fry-up.

NB: A “fry-up” refers to the glorious pastime of the full English breakfast.

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The Fry-Up

Greasy eggs and sausages smells fill up my lungs,
But I’m so hungover it smells like cow dung,
So all the puke comes out of me gob and off me tongue.

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Back Down the Pub With the Lads

Gonna go and get some hair of the dog,
That might just keep me out of the bog,
By washing away me hangover with grog.

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Starting a Fight

Some fellas down the pub supporting Liverpool,
And that really just ain’t very cool,
So I goes and punches them off their bar stools.

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Spotting Some Fit Birds

Oi oi darlin’, you is a bit fit!
And while I may be a balding big fat git,
Just wait until you sniff the manly smell of me armpit!

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Pies

Back down to the chippy now for some pies,
Them fit birds didn’t believe none of me lies…
Stupid bitches!

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Back Home for Lager and Telly

Got me backside back on the sofa,
Now it’s time for an evenin’ of drinking and soap operas,
To think… t’ex wife wanted me to be more “cultured”! Bitch!