Agony Aunt: “My husband takes ‘love bombing’ literally…”

A couple being love bombed by bombs

Bombs and relationships don’t often go hand in hand, but there is a time and a place for everything and TNT can be useful during things such as arguments.

For example, that could be a raging debate about your husband’s monobrow.

Tragically, people end up marrying love bombers. This is even worse when the love bomber takes their tactics rather literally, as today’s poor sap highlights.

Love Bombing or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Dear agony aunt. I've been married to my husband for three years now. Amazingly, he has all the same interests as me - eating cheese, knitting, complaining about male belly button fluff, and collecting mouthwash flavours for taste testing sessions.

When I grew up, my mother said to me, "Janine... you're a strange girl. No man will ever love you." Well, BILLY fell in love with me and we're married and he loves all the things I love. Yes, I also love the things he loves, too.

Except the bombs.

I looked this up online and it's called "love bombing", where some guys who love you very, very much buy loads of bombs. And that's what Billy has done, he's got a big old collection going and it's filled the basement. Now they're spilling out into the living room. He even has one propped up against a wall in our bedroom, which does make our "hanky panky" sessions a bit more terrifying than romantic, if I'm being honest.

It makes dinner parties very awkward, you know? Guests come round, you serve them soup, then the main course, some dessert, and all the while these massive bombs sit there inches away. Sometimes the timers come on and everyone is, "OH MY DAYS! WE'RE DONE FOR!" But Billy gets his toolkit out and diffuses the bomb right there and there.

He calls this "dinner party entertainment".

I don't think it's very entertaining to see guests wet themselves in terror. Billy is right it makes for a "memorable" evening, but I'd argue for all the wrong reasons. Like if you serve someone undercooked chicken and they get really ill from it. The bombs are a bit like undercooked chicken.

I don't even know where he's getting the bombs from. I asked him, but he's really cagey about it and just tries to wave it off as "love bombing" and he claims it's really romantic.

Not to disrespect my husband, but I don't agree with him. If one of these things goes off, we'd be homeless! Might singe our eyebrows a bit, too, and that's what worries me.

Thoughts? Yours, Janine

Hi there, Janine. This is preposterous, you daft woman!

Love bombing is where raging narcissists use manipulative tactics to win the affections of a victim, such as by pretending to have loads of similar interests. Which you husband appears to have done to woo you, then exploited the situation by bringing in dangerous weapons.

And no, it’s unlikely he’s trying to make romantic gestures.

You might want to check romance literature—you’ll note the chronic lack of references to catastrophic explosions in the likes of classic romance texts such as The Shining (1977).

We’ve reported you, your husband, and the bombs to the police.

Dispense with some gibberish!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.