Ever felt like you need a THIRD arm to IMPROVE your life!? 💪

Third Arm Cosmetic Surgery Enterprises Ltd. you can get the third arm of your dreams! Just think about how happy you’ll feel waking up in the morning, basking in the joys of knowing that thing protruding from your chest is a THIRD arm!

The power this provides you, the magnitude of the capabilities, is beyond doubt the most important advancement in all of human history.

Install Your Extra Arm TODAY

New arm installations begin from £10,000. We source only the finest quality severed limbs and can have your surgery complete in ONE DAY.

We offer our customers a cosy, plush, welcoming clinic in the heart of Bolton of Greater Manchester. Our lead surgeon, Dave, is highly skilled with grafting new limbs to bodies. He’s also an EXPERT with a chainsaw! Haha. That’s just a little joke there. He doesn’t use a chainsaw (because it’s illegal).

After your operation, if you’re not 100% happy with your latest limb you can come back to the clinic and one of our apprentices will hack it off for you (£10,000 per removal).

EXTRAORDINARY Uses for Your New Limb

When loaded up with a third arm, your life will become more glorious than ever before. These are the many and varied ways you can achieve a better life than Alexander the Great, Gandhi, Genghis Khan, and Burt Bacharach combined:

• Dead arm after falling asleep on one of them? NO PROBLEM! You have a third arm to use while the other one wakes up!
• Become a cooking master! That third arm will ensure swift delivery of baked beans to toast!
• Win any fight you dare start!
• Shoplift more items than ever before!
• Pickpocket like never before!
• Advance your career
• Freak out colleagues
• Horrify friends and family
• Mortify and/or repel potential dates
• Become the best drummer in the world

Fact is, with an extra limb you’ll be able to work harder than hard, advance your career, multi-task like never before, and become a walking, talking freak of nature!

Become part of the solution, not the problem.

Based on our wildly overambitious business plan, we expect 2/3rds of the world’s population will have a third arm by 2030! Get ahead of the curve, gain a competitive advantage, and have that limb grafted onto you today!

Health & Safety Statement, Disclaimer, and Legal Waiver

Below are our (oar) statements regarding potential outcomes and other gubbins. Please do, or do not, read these carefully. We have a team of austere legal boffins on hand to challenge even the slightest of customer quibbles.

Disclaimer: Please note, there’s no guarantee you’ll receive an arm specific to your gender. As such, if the idea of attaching a grotesque muscly male arm to your feminine physique repels you, it’s best you find a different cosmetic surgery.

Legal waiver: After installation, if your third arms becomes septic or gangrenous… that’s not really our problem. Shouldn’t have got the surgery, it’s your fault for being shallow and cutting corners. Two arms are good enough for most people, what made you think a third one would improve your life? Think about it. Most film trilogies don’t work out well—Jaws, Aliens, Terminator, Predator etc. This one is on you, foolish consumer.

Sustainability statement: At Third Arm Cosmetic Surgery Enterprises Ltd., we are dedicated to the environmental cause. That is why our CEO has promised, once the business is raking in billions, to only have the one private jet. Additionally, as the pilot will have three arms this will, probably, speed up various rendezvous commitments and marginally decrease the pollution he pelts out into the atmosphere.