Exclusive Recipe: Mayonnaise Soup (for the mayo fans out there)

Mayonnaise Soup
This is potato salad, but it’s not too far removed from Mayonnaise soup.

Mayonnaise is one of those foods you really love until you find out it’s about as good for you as ingesting nuclear waste.

Alas, it’s a shame. But it’s how the world rolls sometimes. We appreciate mayonnaise has a small army of fans, so today we’re honouring this with a new recipe that combines two greats for the first time: soup and mayonnaise.

The Glory of Mayonnaise Soup

Simplicity can be a thing of great beauty. Think of a Pot Noodle sandwich. Pure. Beautiful. Refined in its carb heavy stodge.

But simplicity can also be a thing of great repugnance! Think of a ham and jam sandwich.

Yet, it can also be a thing of great neutrality! Think about it.

Have you done enough thinking? Yes? Right, as mayonnaise soup fits in amongst those possibilities somewhere, and only you can decide which one suits you.

Disgusted by mayonnaise? You’ll probably drift towards the “repugnance” bit. Does the thought of mayonnaise soup make you shriek like an Elvis fan who’s discovered the King is alive and well and living in Chipping Ongar? You think mayonnaise is beautiful! But is it soup worthy?

Mayonnaise has probably been used in soup before, but never as the sole ingredient. This makes the success of Mayonnaise soup recipe highly dependent on your appreciation for all things mayonnaise.

But, heck, who doesn’t like mayonnaise? You can add it to anything, including tea and coffee! Or is that milk? We forget.

We hope we’re right as that’s how we’ve been making the office brews at Professional Moron, including guests, although Mr. Wapojif takes his tea black and looks down upon those who don’t follow suit.

Anyway, making mayonnaise soup is incredibly easy. By two or three massive jars of mayonnaise and upend them into a pan.

Heat the pan until the mayonnaise begins simmering, at which point you must turn the heat up until the mayonnaise globule begins frothing like crazy.

Your dinner or lunch or breakfast is almost complete, so garnish with black pepper, Marmite, and salt as you see fit.

We recommend you add around 100g of organic sea salt to give the thing a tasty, although exceptionally harsh, bitter tang.

It really peels your eyelids back and puts hair on your eyebrows, we can guarantee it!

Is Mayonnaise Soup Safe to Eat?

Yes! It’s so safe you’d bet your very life on it! Good. Glad that’s out of the way.

But, what does it taste of? Mayonnaise, unsurprisingly! Although allow the meal to cool for around 10 seconds before consuming.

It’s generally scalding hot, you see, and it would be wise not to incinerate your tongue. It’d detract from the fabulous taste of mayonnaise soup, you see!

Obviously consuming the meal will seriously dent your weight loss, and overall health and well being, goals, but sometimes you just gotta live!

Mayonnaise soup may be colossally indulgent and idiotic, but at least it tastes great! Ish.

Well, to be honest it’s a bit bland. Mayonnaise is usually best consumed in moderation on a taste front, but we won’t bother telling our moronic readers that as it’d ruin everything. So long, y’all!


  1. I can’t cope with these intricate recipes! Is there not an instant mayonnaise soup available out there somewhere? You know, just add water and heat?


    • Hmmmmm… one solution may be to open a mayonnaise jar and simply eat out of the jar. Pretty student-esque behaviour but, like, so what? This is mayonnaise we’re on about here!


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