How To Rekindle Your Lust For Life With Washing Up Liquid!

Ecover washing up liquid
Ecover washing up liquid. Please be warned, do not drink this. If you do it will turn you into a hippy.

Washing up liquid is great as it makes loads of bubbles and this makes washing up like having a great big bubble bath for your hands. You could go and have a proper bubble bath and all that, but the kitchen sink involves less water and is, thusly, more environmentally friendly. Plus, you can do the dishes at the same time.

We use Ecover washing up liquid here at Professional Moron as it’s derived from plants and is, thusly (thusly again – twice in two paragraphs!), friendly to the environment and your dishes. Why? As it doesn’t leave chemical residue lying about the place, fool, so consider this a warning!

Whilst you dwell on this warning, we’re also aware many of you will use dishwashers. This is wrong and you should be ashamed of yourselves. Thusly, today we’re opening, lamenting, and berating you about the many benefits of getting your knuckles dirty.

Washing Up Liquid: An Educational Tale

We’re going to tell you a didactic story about a young many who almost turned his back on washing up liquid. Growing up, Hercules (his name has been changed) would gleefully do the washing up for his family, and would be awash with further glee whenever he saw bubbles (even if it was from the frothing jaws of a rabies stricken monster).

One day, ominously, Hercules started using a dishwashing machine. As the years ticked by his hands and forearms, lacking the bubbly goodness once provided by washing up liquid, developed hideous sores and scabs. He went to see a doctor, whom became hysterical upon learning Hercules had abandoned washing up liquid. Scolding the young man, Hercules was ordered to 20 years in jail doing the washing up.

30 years later (Hercules was given an extra decade for leaving ketchup stains on plates), Hercules was released on parole, his health restored, but his youth not quite so youthful. So, as you can see from this sorry tale, not using washing up liquid has some bloody serious consequences.

Washing Up Liquid: Better Than Washing Down Liquid

It’s true stories like the one above which remind us of the importance of washing up liquid. Without it, people without a sink would be in a pretty horrific state, which industry lexicon has called Washing Down Syndrome (when one wants to wash up, but can’t). It also affects those with a dishwashing machine – the subconscious trauma you fools are inflicting upon yourselves knows no bounds!

Signs and symptoms of Washing Down Syndrome include:

  • Slurred speech.
  • Dizzy spells.
  • Belligerence.
  • Announcing, “I bloody love you, you’re my best mate you are…” arbitrarily.
  • Stealing traffic cones.
  • Heading out randomly to order a kebab.
  • And falling over.

Unfortunately, as these symptoms are fairly analogous with drunken stupidity, many doctors misdiagnose sufferers with leprosy. But you can help the washing up cause by ditching your dishwashing machine (in a ditch, for instance), getting some awesome washing up liquid, finding a quality kitchen scourer, and taking to your sink with gusto. May the revolution begin!

2 comments

  1. Okay, I appreciate your eco-attitude!
    However, the idea of a bubble bath using environmentally friendly washing up liquid ( called dish soap here in Canada) has me all lathered up. What a fab idea!
    What if I did the dishes in the tub during my bubble bath? Would that keep me in the green club? (Not sure if you use the “green” word over there … as an eco friendly prefix)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Whoa there… dish soap? That’s awesome! But yeah, I’m all for time saving ideas here – to enter the Green Club one must dress like Brad Pitt in Fight Club and do the dishes in the bath.

      Yeah, Green is used here. Green. I seem to remember Chris Rock using the word a lot in 1997 sci-fi action film, starring Bruce Willis, the Fifth Element. These days green is all about doubling up with deodorant as a shampoo and conditioner.

      Like

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