Exclusive Recipe: Lasagne Ice Cream (oh yeah, we went there!)

Lasagne ice cream
Check it out! It’s lasagne prior to being made into ice cream!

Lasagne is one of those foods you’d eat every day if it didn’t clog your arteries and cause heart disease. Indeed, that’s the main problem with pasta – so very tasty, yet so very appallingly bad for you. Life is so bloody unfair, isn’t it?

The same goes for ice cream. However, there is a school of thought which suggests combining unhealthy ingredients together negates the badness. Indeed, the idea is you reach a calorie limit which simply can go no higher and, whoosh, even if you’re consuming 10,000 calories you’ll keep a trim waistline! It’s a moronic theory but we’re going to subscribe to it today with our latest ridiculous recipe.

Lasagne Ice Cream

Pasta based ice cream isn’t the worst idea in the world. It beats sardine ice cream, let’s face it. Taking on the challenge of inserting lasagne flavour into ice cream is one of the worst ideas out there though, simply as approaching this recipe made us nervous. Terrified, even. Were we up to this challenge?

As with most of our ice cream based recipes, the best option is to melt down some store bought cheap nasty stuff beforehand. To do this you’ll need to know how to work a hob – once you’ve mastered this, tip a load of ice cream into a pan and heat it until it begins bubbling crazily.

Next up, you’re going to need to liquefy some lasagne. Seriously, the more liquid based it is the better your ice cream will behave. You can do this by buying about four ready-made lasagnes and sticking them in a blender (take them out of the packaging first of course, fool).

Leave the blender on at full blast for an hour to slice up the mix – the contraption will usually overheat and burst into flames after 40 minutes, but this is a good sign your lasagne will be purer than purified water.

“Do you wanna flake with that, love?”

Tip the garrotted lasagne into your melted ice cream mix, seal in a tub, and stuff it violently into your fridge freezer. This will, as physics has intended, allow the lasagne ice cream to… what’s the word? The opposite of thaw. Freeze! That’s the one. That’s what makes the ice bit of ice cream, otherwise it’d just be lasagne cream… which would be just stupid.

Once it is frozen, you can top off your lasagne ice cream with a few specialised “flakes”. Balls to chocolate, we’re keeping a pasta theme here with raw penne flakes artfully stuck into the ice cream – be careful not to shatter your teeth when you crunch down on it! Raw pasta can be pure evil.

Oh yes, and how does it taste? Well like frozen lasagne, so you could technically freeze one of those ready meal lasagnes and chomp down on that, but then that’d be too sensible now, wouldn’t it? Indeed.

Dispense with some gibberish!

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