Exclusive Invention: Key Surf Board (for typing & surfin’)

A surfer falling over a wave
“Dammit, goddamn conditional formatting and Excel! Always catching me out.”

Want to do some surfin’ while you’re workin’? For sure, that’s every office worker’s dream! And the key surf board provides the answer (to that dreaming).

It’s a keyboard and a surfboard all-in-one. You can hit the beach and continue to work, turning you into an over productive and rad funster in the splish of a splosh.

Key Surf Board

Whether you’re a fan of 1960s surf music or not (and The Who’s Keith Moon sure was, much to the bemusement of his band members), you’ve got to admit surfing is for cool people.

Sliding along on the ocean waves, you can’t help but look amazing. That’s until you’re inevitably attacked by a great white shark, but everything before that bit is fantabulous. But you do lose your cool when one of your legs is bobbing five feet to your right.

Anyway, in the office all you have to worry about is you and your keyboard.

And with the key surf board (KSB), then if you get fed up of typing you can grab your keyboard and take to your nearest seafront (which, admittedly, may take several hours of driving and/or a plane trip).

The product is especially developed with floatation and aerodynamic efficiency in mind, so once you hurl it onto the ocean you can ambulate onto it and paddle out into the open ocean.

Then it’s just you, the sea, and your keyboard – at one with nature. Ride those waves, impress other surfers, and maintain an edge of professionalism while you’re at it!

Workin’ While You’re Surfin’

Surfing isn’t normally associated with the tedium of capitalism, but there’s no reason why you shouldn’t surf and bust out a few spreadsheets simultaneously.

The fully-integrated product is waterproof. If you bring your PC/laptop/device with you, plug them into your keyboard for some pulse-pounding wave riding, all while you delineate profit margins through qualitative ideation.

In a hurry? Print off that spreadsheet while you fend off that latest shark attack, before return to shore with a shredded limb.

As you exsanguinate and breathe your laste, forward on that report to your line manager so they’re aware your KPIs were met and your replacement won’t be behind schedule upon starting.

Disclaimer: In the event of limb loss through shark attack, or shattering your body against the side of jagged rocks etc., Professional Moron isn’t accountable for your blood loss. Purchase this product at your own risk. The product is intended for surfing and typing only, but customers may also use it as a self-defence product should they be unexpectedly mugged by a vagabond. However, under no circumstances will there be a refund. 

7 comments

  1. Surfer Girl . … ya! La la la… 2 keys with every stroke! 🎵🎶
    Sounds wonderful, but perhaps a tad athletic for me!
    Okay, leaving… nothing here about gowns or Rapunzel.

    Liked by 1 person

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