Humans smell bad, this is a harsh reality. And when you get a lot of them together in a business to work together all day, the stench can be unbearable.

The Smelling Bad at Work Act 1971 aims to minimise such issues. And the Stench in the Workplace Act 2002 helps you to control foul odours further.

With these two Acts, you’ll need to fashion a business policy that keeps your working environment smelling like fresh daisies. Here’s how.

Controlling Bad Smells at Work

Think about using the toilet at work and the daily nightmare fraught with embarrassment your employees must face.

Then pile on top of that the possibility of arriving to work stinking of BO, urine, excrement, and other nastiness.

Battling such issues can be so stressful some of your employees may turn to heroin to deal overcome their emotional hurdles.

This is bad news for business. Drugs at work aren’t good business practice.

As the Smelling Bad at Work Act 1971 explains on page 131 point 3.1:

“Employees must manage their personal hygiene at work. This should come down to basic cleanliness practices such as:

• Bathing daily
• Brushing their teeth daily
• Using mouthwash at work
• Washing clothes weekly
• Fumigating their home at least thrice annually

Failure to complete all of the above may lead to issues of stench and repugnance.

For example, an employee may arrive to work hungover and reeking of cheap wine, cigarettes, cheap perfume, BO, urine, and cheese.

They may attempt to mask their foul stench by sucking on mints, dousing themselves in the aforementioned cheap perfume, and gargling mouthwash.

However, these efforts will fail. And the individual will become known as “Stinky Poops” in the office. This may result in several redundancies, disciplinary actions, and resignations.”

As such, you want to avoid office politics and toxicity by maintaining cleanliness procedures.

You need to get another policy together for that (yes, another one) and then you’ll be on the path to fresh corridors and open offices like a daisy-stricken field.

Your Business’ Anti-Stench Policy

Make it abundantly clear you expect employees to turn up to work smelling like they’ve just bathed in industrial grade bleach.

As in, zero germs, zero smell (other than bleach), and zero blemishes. You can enforce this policy at gunpoint if you so wish.

In your policy, you should state something along the lines of:

“Arrive at work in an orderly queue outside the office. You will the be lead through to the quarantine chamber one-by-one.

There you will be ordered to strip naked. If you do not follow these instructions, you will be shot in the leg. You will not receive sick pay if you take the rest of the day off.

If you do comply, you will have delousing powder thrown over your person. You will then be blasted with a water cannon until free from disgusting smells.

After this, you must clamber into a bathing tub of industrial grade bleach and wash your hair in petrol. If you are bald, then you may skip the latter stage.

After five minutes of bathing, you must alight from the bathtub, dry down with a complimentary towel, get dressed, and begin your working day.”

Do note, these procedures will likely prove unpopular with your workforce. But remind them it’s to ensure there’s no lingering smell of BO anywhere on your premises.

However, do note the use of extensive bleach does come with side effects.

Your staff members may find themselves with skin peeling from their body and seeping red sores and pustules.

If they complain about this development, send them to see the office manager and have them slathered in Sudocrem and TCP.

However, at this point you’ll need to mask the stench of TCP.

As such, we recommend the employee places potpourri near to their person for the rest of their day.

Such methods may seem extreme, but these are all essential in your mission to obliterate funny odours from your workplace.

Remember, no business ever became successful off the stench of BO and urine. Except, perhaps, gambling companies, pub chains, and gyms. But they’re anomalies.