If your teeth are rotting out of your face, and you’ve always had a penchant for donkeys, come on down to Dave’s Devious Dentist & Donkey Dealership!
We’ve got dentists and donkeys! The dentists are in the building, the donkeys are out back… braying, wildly!
That’s right, listen to the soothing sounds of a manic donkey bray as a dentist yanks a wisdom tooth violently from your mouth. Does it get any better than that!? Of course not! BOOK… TODAY!
The Inebriated Expertise of Dave’s Devious Dentist
Imagine the satisfaction you’ll have of visiting our dentistry clinic via Whiplash Wendy’s Wonderful Taxi Warehouse.
After paying your fare to the correct decimal amount and thanking the driver for an excellent service you’ll use over and over and over, you can then head into our 24/7 open clinic.
Why 24/7? Because there are a lot of drunks out there getting their faces smashed up all the time.
Our head dentist and founder, Dave, has heroically taken it upon himself to ensure all the alcoholics of the world have a fighting chance to maintain a perfect set of gnashers.
This is because Dave and, indeed, all of our dentists at Dave’s Devious Dentist & Donkey Dealership, are raging alcoholics and dipsomaniacs!
While you wait your turn in the waiting room, you get a free copy of Jack Kerouac’s Big Sur to keep you busy.
Any heroin addicts attending will receive a copy of Requiem for a Dream.
But if you’re not an addict, the Christmas carol Little Donkey will be blasted at a very high volume while you wait, during your session with the dentist, and afterward when you’re unceremoniously shuffled into our donkey dealership.
Because nothing says “teeth” as much as a donkey’s gnawing gnashers!
Dave’s Devious Donkey Dealership
After your dentist experience, there’s a mandatory trip through the donkey dealership portion of our business.
After all, as you emerge from a local anaesthetic, or otherwise, and stumble about into the real world, why not alleviate your worldly burdens through the excellence of a donkey?
Donkeys are great! They’re user friendly and docile, only occasionally lashing out violently with their hind legs.
First port of call is a donkey ride around the back parking lot of Dave’s Devious Dentist & Donkey Dealership.
After this incredible experience, you’ll be expected to make a charitable donation to the donkey charity of your choice (as in, directly to us).
You’ll then have the option to buy a donkey as a pet.
We have hundreds of donkeys at Dave’s Devious Dentist & Donkey Dealership, all of them top class domesticated hoofed mammals.
And they only cost £1,000 each!
BUT! Exclusively for customers of Psycho Ken’s Cooking Oil Recovery Team, there’s a BUY ONE DONKEY, GET ONE DONKEY FREE scheme! YES!
You buy one donkey… then you get another one COMPLETELY FREE!
Try and get your head around that wonderous concept as you stand in the back parking lot, your face numb, a tooth missing from your gob, and hundreds of donkeys braying wildly around you.
Yes, you’ll be relapsing back onto the drugs before you can say, “HEEHAW!”