The human male is a confusing and mysterious beast. When not rearranging himself in public places, he’s back home using the floor as a wardrobe.
This phenomenon is called the floordrobe.
How can the human female cope with such a bizarre determination to the litter the floor with man stuff? Here’s our expert solution!
When a Man Hates a Wardrobe (so uses the floor)
Dear agony aunt… I can’t understand why my man (husband of five years) can’t figure out how to use the bedroom wardrobe. Tony is not stupid (that’s my husband’s name, not the wardrobe’s). It is a perfectly functional wardrobe. It does the following:
- Has doors that open (if they didn’t open I appreciate this would be a considerable problem, but, to reiterate, they DO open so that is no blockade to my husband)
- Has a clothes hanging pole across the centre of it, so there is plenty of pole room for it to hang items of clothing via clothes hangers
- Has drawers and other space (including on top of the wardrobe) for extra laying down space for all manner of clothes (including throws and an assortment of Moon Boots)
It is a good wardrobe. I’d give the wardrobe in our bedroom 7/10 for ergonomic functionality.
But my husband just can’t hack it. He leaves his trousers, underwear, and jumpers all over the bedroom floor. I ask him to clean them up, he gets angry about it and accuses me of being a “nagging Nancy” and that I need to “relax”. On the rare occasion he does put them away he bellows, “THERE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, WOMAN!?”
We go through that routine almost every day and it’s starting to wear me thin. I’m 33 and he’s 38 but it’s like I’m his bloody mother! My many issues:
- His socks sit there inside out
- His jogging bottoms or trousers are askew and crumpled with one leg inside out
- There are skidmarks on his Y-fronts
- Jumpers sit there often with beer and food stains all over them, which I consider to be a potential pest infestation threat
They sit there. On the floor. Mere feet away from the wardrobe.
This morning I’d had enough and, beholding all the clothing items scattered around on the floor before me, I dropped to my knees and shrieked, “WHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY!?” Tony was still in bed at that point and he woke startled and said, “What’s the matter with you, woman?!” Then he saw I was picking up the clothing and hurling it at him in a rage and then we had another screaming match and he said something UTTERLY UNFORGIVABLE.
Want to know what he said? Okay, I’ll tell you… he said: “SCREW YOU AND YOUR STUPID REGIMENTED WEEKLY CLOTHES WASHING ROUTINE!”
My face turned purple, my screams were heard the other side of the street, and I’m pretty sure we’ll be getting a divorce.
Thoughts? Tina
Hi there! Tony and Tina, Tina and Tony. That’s an excellent name combination match right there. And, yes, we are being passive-aggressive.
Regarding the issue you’ve just raised, our suggestion for this is to topple the wardrobe over so it’s on the floor.
Then your husband will be more inclined to put the clothes in the wardrobe.
The chances are your husband has a lingering sense of prevarication in his pre-occupation for wearing clothes endlessly week-in, week-out. It’s an economical approach to clothes wearing and also the reason why human males typically reek like 1,000 cavemen having competed in the London marathon whilst wearing no deodorant.
Yes, your husband is an idiot. But you married him!
Thus, it is YOUR responsibility to ensure he washes his clothes at least once a month. It’s part of your legally binding contract of employment. Is divorce for floordrobe issues going to look good on your CV, Tina? No, it is not.
What are you going to tell future employers?
“Oh, I divorced my husband because he left his foul-smelling socks lounging around all over the floor. Please, hire me!”
Any righteous and true corporation will look the other way.
Do the right thing, Tina. Just leave his clothes be until he’s crawling with lice, nits, fleas, and begging you for mercy. Then it’s up to you to decide if you show any. Revel in the power!
