SLAP! The Dating App That Punishes Jerks [Sponsored Post]

SLAP! The online dating app about slapping jerk men

Are man blokes getting you down, lady? Well what you need is SLAP!

Proudly supported by Yarr! the pirate dating app, it’s our mission to ensure women get to casually strike as many jerk men as possible.

Based on our strict Code of Jerkduct rules, women are free to slap a man if he commits a dating no-no. DOWNLOAD THE APP! It’s a fantastic way to date, meet hot blokes, and get sweet revenge!

SLAP! Date, Strike, and Match

Download the app. Setup your profile with some self-absorbed duck lip posing selfies. You’re good to go!

Once the man blokes start like your profile, you begin the dating game.

Men are forced to attach a rotating hand to the top of their smartphone. This will strike them violently in the event you feel they commit a SLAP! dating no-no. This includes, but isn’t limited to:

Barely saying anything at all.
Leering sexual remarks.
Terrible chat up lines (e.g. “You dropped something… my jaw!”)
Unsolicited dick picks.
Relying on generic conversation you’ve seen 1,000 times before (“hi how r u?”).
Simplifying the generic conversation because they can’t be bothered typing those few words (“hru”, “wuu2”, “got snap”).
Having a temper tantrum when you point out they’re being generic and lazy with their conversation.
Insisting they aren’t being generic and lazy with their conversation and that you’re just being a terrible person (i.e. a bitch).
Immediately running out of conversation ideas so repeatedly asking you about work because that’s all they can think of.
Expecting your number after 10 minutes of inane chitchat.
Asking “we’re you from” when it says it right there on your profile.
Asking “you drive?” after a few minutes of chat because they expect you to drive to them for a date.
Using the laughing crying emoji when they feel jilted. 😂😂😂😂
Asking early on in your chat (after the basic “how r u” stuff) if you’d be willing to relocate to their distant location.
Stating “I’m not here for a pen pal” after spending only 10 minutes of chatting.
Disappearing from the app for 24 hours before sending a two word response to your previous message.
Providing conversational dead ends (e.g. “hru” – “Fine thanks!” – “good to hear”) and failing to realise they’ve run their time with you into the ground.
Asking for Snapchat because they expect more pictures of you.
Only loading one picture on their profile (or none at all) but expecting you to send many more pictures to them.
Just being annoying in general.

If he commits one of those, or anything else that irks you, all you have to do is hit the SLAP! icon.

The hand will mercilessly batter the offending male.

In time, our goal is to ensure such conditioning teaches the male to mind his manners and conduct himself in a manner befitting a normal human being.

For only £19.99 a month premium subscription fee, you can enjoy this SWEET REVENGE on these irritating jerks all while in the hunt for the dreamboat of your dreams.

SLAP! Frequently Asked Questions

Here are some answers to common FAQs for your dating app using assistance.

Does using SLAP! constitute physical assault?

Under UK law the offence of common assault is regulated under section 39 CJA of the Criminal Justice Act 1988 (CJA).

Battery is the use of unlawful force—a push or a slap.

However, even if you strike a male for being a jerk most police officers wouldn’t likely refer you for prosecution. You’d probably just get a warning. And we like those odds!

Is SLAP! misandry?

No, we like men. Just not the ones who are tossers.

We’ll point out that all a man has to do when using the app is to behave in a manner you’d expect of any polite society. So long as he achieves this most basic of goals, he won’t get a slap to the chops.

Am I allowed to slap the man on a date?

You can if you wish, although you can also ask him to hold his phone up to his head. Then you can hit the SLAP! icon within the app and the product will do this for you.

This is an effective way to prevent any damage to your hand, such as a broken nail.

Why are so many men such total jerks?

Sadly, toxic masculinity has been an issue since the dawn of time. A lot of the issues with modern men stem from the likes of:

Insecurity.
Lack of emotional intelligence.
Lack of any general intelligence.
Self-absorbed and self-aggrandising tendencies (e.g. expecting to be worshipped for being a man bloke).
- Entitlement and privilege.
Anger management issues.
A superiority complex.
Casual sexism.
Relying on anachronistic gender norms to fuel their worldview (i.e. expecting women to produce children and work in the kitchen).
Worshipping idiotic role models.
Early life traumas.
Hanging out with dickheads for mates.
Presuming feminism is to blame for the world’s problems, instead of realising they live in a hard right, male dominated capitalist society that’s shredding everyone of their dignity.