Mr. Wapojif

Agony Aunt: “Why does my boyfriend only ever wear t-shirts?!” 👕

Real men wear only t-shirts

It’s true some human males are just lazy with their dress sense. Such is the case of the man bloke who only ever wears t-shirts. No matter the occasion—some of the shirts also have food stains on them.

What is this condition? Why does it blight the human male so?

And why must the woman ENDURE this time and time again on date night, when out with friends, or at a dinner party? Even a man bloke in a pink shirt is better than the t-shirt abomination! Let’s explore…

Men in T-Shirts Can Save Society

Dear agony aunt,

My boyfriend Liam is 24 and has always had this habit of wearing nothing but t-shirts. We met on Tinder and I thought to myself “Yeah, he’s not bad looking let’s give it a go…” then we had our date and he wore a black t-shirt. The next date? Same shirt. The next? The same shirt. The next date?! A different t-shirt! Hallelujah! This one was blue. But then he wore that one every time we met the next three times!

You might be wondering, “Why didn’t you ditch this zero to find yourself a hero!?”

Well, truth be told I saw him as a project—a hopeless, lost little man with a wardrobe of t-shirts and deep down I knew I could fix this lost soul and restore his humanity.

Then after six months of dating I realised that was a hopeless, naïve, even idiotic outlook I had because he’s still wearing the goddamn t-shirts and hasn’t been a new one all year! He just has four of them on constant rotation… what is this!? Well, I asked him. Know what he said? “Real men wear shirts, babe!”

Real men… turns out he’s been listening to manosphere podcasts and “rediscovering” his sense of “toxic masculinity”. I told him I was glad he could at least acknowledge he’s being a prick, but he got really tetchy when I said that and refused to speak to me for a week. To jilt me further he, get this… WENT OUT AND BOUGHT A NEW SHIRT. This one is purple. He’s really excited about the t-shirt. I am not excited about it at all. I vocalised my emotions that night to my followers on TikTok. In summary, I made it clear I’m:

  • Pissed off
  • Weary
  • Bored
  • Sick of his t-shirts

Unfortunately, one of my friends SNARKED ON MY ASS and sent the video to Liam! Well, boy was he pissed off about that. In 35 seconds I got a volly of 17 text messages calling me out as a “feminazi” and that my dress sense is “garbage” anyway so what do I care etc.

Well, that hit a nerve… no one disses my dress sense, bitch! So I went round to where he lives (with his parents), broke into their home (smashed the living room window, clambered in), went upstairs to Liam’s bedroom, got all his shirts, took them outside onto the front garden, and BURNED THEM TO THE GROUND.

This action has ended my relationship with Liam because he’s since filed a restraining order against me and is also appealing for the return of the death penalty to the local council. I’ve argued getting hung, drawn, and quartered for burning some t-shirts is a bit OTT, you know? What do you reckon I should do?!

Yours, Laura

Hi there, Laura. Yes, you don’t need to worry about the whole hanging/drawing/quartering bit that’s not going to go anywhere. Worst you can expect is a massive fine and a long prison sentence.

However, you did smash your way into your boyfriend’s family home.

That’s called breaking and entering.

It’d be wise to make a kind gesture to acknowledge the error of your ways. We suggest funding repairs, promising not to do that, and deliver the final killer blow… offer to buy Liam some new clothes! That way you can liven up his otherwise dreary man bloke wardrobe.

Go all out, you know? Get him furry moon boots, Reni hats, flowing dresses, skirts, skinny jeans etc. Whatever else young guys wear these days.

View it as your restoration project. Turn him into a real man, Laura! All the best.

47 comments

  3. hmmm… I kind of like t-shirts on blokes and birds ( hehe, did I pull that off ?) but they have to say something. They need a message. Like, this is my purple t-shirt or something. Right?

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