There’s an Instragram account we follow called UKNewestFoods (more on that later) run by a food journalist. We’ve found it infinitely fascinating, documenting as it does the weird ultra-processed foods the UK’s main supermarkets churn out.
If you’re reading this and NOT in England, the core supermarkets here are ASDA, Aldi, Booths, Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Morrisons, Lidl, M&S, and a handful of others.
For Valentine’s Day 2026 they’ve really been outdoing themselves with their love-based creations. Most of which amounts to, “Get this foodstuff, shape it like a heart, and that’s romance that is!” That’s what we’re exploring today. Good health!
An Ode to Weird Valentine’s Day Supermarket Foodstuffs
Yeah, one of the main things we zoned in on was Aldi’s heart-shaped garlic bread. This beauty is a mere £1.49 and includes a MADE IN BRITAIN stamp on the front to tie in with current hysterical right-wing trends of mindless nationalism.
This SOB was even flagged up in the Manchester Evening News last weekend (Woman tries Aldi’s £5.36 Valentine’s Day Meal Deal), having spent £5.36 at Aldi on the heart-shaped garlic bread and a main course of a heart-shaped spicy pepperoni pizza. Dessert was pink mini heart pancakes.
There were loads of these things, as part of Aldi launching its budget friendly Valentine’s Meal set. Here’s an assortment of what it all looks like:
The great about all this, for us at least, is discovering UKNewestFoods. It’s become one our favourite Instagram accounts and we’re obsessing over the many and varied creations the supermarkets are inventing.
Not that we intend to eat them. We’re going to sit from afar, being snotty, judging it all, sneering down on the lowly commoners who eat this UPF heavy foodstuff garbage. Mwahahaha etc.
Anyway, it’s worth flagging more of these Valentine’s Day things up to get you salivating away. The below Aldi love cookie (tear & share) being a fine example.
Lidl is in on the action, too, with the below pizza heart with tomato sauce and mozzarella.
Marks & Spencer (M&S), which is considered a posh supermarket, has done its own range of stuff.
It’s worth noting almost all the foods these supermarkets are peddling aren’t good for you. Most will leave the consumer reeking of garlic, bloated with gas, and probably struggling with acid reflux/indigestion. That and the inevitable insulin spike all those UPFs and refined sugars will cause.
As it’s not true love until at least one of you has type II diabetes.
Conclusion: Romantic Food = Stick it Into a Heart Shape
How do you make romantic food? No matter what it is, so long as it’s in a love heart shape that’ll do the job for capitalism. As capitalism breeds competition and innovation, apparently, although all we’ve seen from this is the cynicism and laziness of big brands copying each other for an idea that’s already amusingly stupid.
The very nature of Valentine’s Day is stupid enough anyway.
Lots of men choose this one day to get their wife/girlfriend a heart-shaped garlic bread and bunch of flowers. Then forget about it all for the rest of the year until the annual reminder in 2027. Why not do it regularly, randomly, all year round? Surprise your loved one with nice gifts and the like.
As shoving a heart-shaped chunk of garlic bread in their direction doesn’t exactly reek of maximum effort.
Still… if you get it from Aldi at least it’s MADE IN BRITAIN. Tally, bally ho!
