Exclusive Invention: Cemint (like cement, but with more mint)

Cement
There’s nothing quite as exciting as concrete… except cemint, of course!

Most of us will be in agreement concrete is pretty great. Without it, we wouldn’t have things like buildings, pavements, walls, and bricks. Indeed, society would be a tawdry and disgusting place where most of us would be at ground level, naked, and sobbing uncontrollably. A horrific thought! We should really praise Mr. Concrete, and his friend Mr. Cement, for inventing the stuff.

Most of us would also agree the stuff is a bit, you know, bland to look at. This isn’t an incurable situation, however, as with a bit of good old Professional Moron interference, we’ve gone and taken cement and made it a whole lot better! Behold: cemint. It’s good old cement, but with a dollop of minty freshness!

Cemint

Truth be told, making this thing isn’t particularly difficult. You just make cement the normal way. Erm… how do you do that, anyway? Well, we researched it. Apparently, you need a cement mixer and a bag of cement. This will make concrete – you just need a bit of water and a few metric tonnes of fresh mint leaves.

As cement mixers cost in excess of £100, we’d recommend not bothering with that guff. Instead, use your washing machine or tumble dryer – this will (probably) get the job done just as well. If you’re so inclined, save energy by doing your washing as you make your cemint. What a champion of the environmental cause you will be!

Making concrete is simply about mixing all the ingredients together, most notably the cement. You bung it all together and set your device to maximum spin – it’ll take a certain amount of time, but you can guarantee you’ll soon have that trademark pre-concrete mush on the go.

Signs of Calamity to Ignore

Okay, so will cemint solve the putrid stench of city life living? Will it even double up as a quick herbal tea fix? The answer is simple – no. Indeed, it appears the mint leaves are shredded beyond usefulness after we put them through an hour long spin cycle in our washing machine.

Additionally, the washing machine briefly caught fire and began making a perturbing juddering noise. Thankfully, as water began to spray everywhere from the badly damaged machine, it managed to dowse itself. Thusly, we left the machine be until the cycle was over.

Whilst scooping the cemint from the washing machine was one of the most arduous and tedious chores we’ve ever accomplished, we can say we’re delighted with the end result! We used the cemint to fill that massive open hole in the bath tub which was so clearly a design flaw, although now we can’t bathe in any way.

Regardless, we are men and men smell so we’ll be able to, from now on, boldly step forth onto pavements with (and largely without) the smell of mint opening our nostrils up to the shining brilliance of the world.

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