Dr. Patrick’s Potato Psychology Service Ltd. [Sponsored Post]

Dr. Patrick's Potato Psychology Service Ltd.

Are you a potato in need of some good mental health? Then you need to see the potato therapist Dr. Patrick at Dr. Patrick’s Potato Psychology Service Ltd.

Our team is fully qualified to identify ALL potato-based mental health issues.

If you’re a potato in need of support, or you’re a chef wondering how to prepare an award-winning rösti, get in touch for insights from our EXPERT service.

Dr. Patrick’s Potato-Based Expertise

Dr. Patrick has a career spanning 20 years transforming the lives of potatoes stricken with:

  • Baking
  • Roasting
  • Mashing

In his most famous case study, Dr. Patrick transformed the lives of a dozen potatoes involved in a failed dauphinoise. After intensive potato-based therapy, they emerged out of the other side free from milk, cream, cheese, and PTSD (potato-based traumatic stress disorder).

All went on to lead fulfilling lives as roast potatoes.

At the Dr. Patrick’s Potato Psychology Service Ltd. clinic, you can expect only the finest and most humane potato-based therapy. Dr. Patrick explains thus.

“The kurtosis of the potato is my speciality. As is the psychodynamic analysis of the pressures placed on potatoes in the kitchen environment.

My natural empathy for the potato is born from my mother. She was a potato. And my father was a sweet potato. From their pure love emerged myself, Dr. Patrick.

I am half man. Half potato.”

Dr. Patrick is the world’s only human-potato hybrid. As such, he has international jurisdiction from the potato industry preventing his use in all cooking.

And that includes in potato milk and baked gnocchi.

Meet the Potato Therapy Team

Dr. Patrick has dedicated his life to ensuring the mental wellbeing of potatoes, which is why he has hired only the finest medical experts. Meet the team!

Dr. Kobashigawa

Dr. Kobashigawa

Good Dr. Kobashigawa may be an intern, but at 25 she boasts an IQ of 151 and taught herself calculus at the age of 11.

She’s also infatuated with potatoes and is a diagnosed psychopath.

When not twisting the truth to meet her manipulative needs, you can find her stealing from Dr. Patrick’s bins (in the vague hope she finds leftover potato peel).

Dr. Potato

Dr. Potato

Hired specifically due to her surname, Dr. Potato is one of the world’s leading neurosurgeons.

However, once Dr. Patrick offered her a six figure salary she abandoned her medical expertise in favour of helping potatoes. She’s regularly known to quip, “It’s an easier life!”

Fond of puns, she’s also always on hand to tell patients her favourite film is The Silence of the Yams. When not loafing about the place earning a fortune, Dr. Potato also prepares cups of tea and takes the bins out.

Potato Therapy: You’re Not Starch Raving Mad!

Once you’ve booked into our clinic, you can attend in-potato or via you’re preferred video comms software (we recommend the newly-launched app Potato, for all of your potato-based needs).

During your session, Dr. Patrick and his team will observe you carefully. You will be asked pertinent questions such as:

  • “Are you a sweet potato or a russet?”
  • “What are your thoughts on potato peelers?”
  • “Jacket potatoes with cheese… or beans?”

Your responses will make the level of trauma you’re suffering from discernible. For no sane potato would ever want jacket potatoes with beans AND NO CHEESE!

Once we’ve reviewed your case, you’ll be diagnosed.

You’ll then be provided with medication or further therapeutic support. That can include:

  • Boiling
  • Peeling
  • Mashing
  • Frying

Please be aware, we expect payments upfront to cover service costs. It’s £500 an hour and subsequent treatment is £1,000 an hour.

Your health may be a total disas-tater right now, but sooner or tater we’ll have you out of your straight jacket (potato) and back into society!

3 comments

Dispense with some gibberish!

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