Okay, it isn’t Valentine’s Day but we wanted to do a bunch of poorly written haiku again and found this idea amusing. So here we are! You ready to get romantic? Good, because that’s now going to happen.

Valentine’s Day Romantic Lovely Love Love Poetry Haiku Romance

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My Husband is a Prick

OMG my husband is a prick,
So this Valentine’s Day I’m buying him a brick,
Then I’m going to become a Bolshevik.

∞

I Bloody Love My Wife

My wife is the love of my life,
To prove it to her I sliced myself open with a knife,
Oh… GOD I’M BLEEDING! HELP!

∞

Valentine’s Day Dinner

For Valentine’s I’m cooking my girlfriend dinner,
Because she needs to know I’m the main breadwinner,
I’m cooking toxic masculinity for tea.

∞

The Greatest Romantic Gesture of All Time

For my wife this Valentine’s I needed to make the greatest romantic gesture of all time,
So I went ahead and bought her our very own coal mine,
She begins her first shift next Monday.

∞

The Cake of Hatred

Today I baked the Cake of Hatred,
My husband is in for a nasty shock,
Inside it there be hidden a rock.

∞

Romantic Drunkenness

Me and the wife go out on Valentine’s to dine,
We drink loads and loads of fine wine,
When we come to we were slouched somewhere along the coastline.

∞

Love Letter of Confusion

I decided to write a love letter to the missus,
Due to a combination of errors it got covered in pisses,
I handed it her and she threw punches with several near misses.

∞

Recreating Our First Date

For Valentine’s I took the wife to the scene of our first date,
In 1984 she found me passed out in a crate,
After recreating the scene she was filled with blind hate.

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Picturesque Picnic

As a show of love I took me wife out for an picnic,
But I went and ruined it when I sat on a toothpick,
My hysterical screams was positively slapstick.

∞

Seductive Stargazing

The husband took me stargazing and tried to get flirty,
His seduction plan was to go on about QWERTY,
I told him keyboard layouts for Latin-scrip alphabets aren’t romantic. He sulked.

∞

Memorable Massage

I offered my girlfriend a memorable massage,
She agreed so I took her out into my freezing cold garage,
To warm her up I gave her a pint of pottage.

∞

Visiting an Art Gallery

To prove my worth I took the wife to see some art,
But I ruined it all by letting rip with a humungous fart,
Security guard asked us to leave.

∞

Going to a Gig

Girlfriend loves music so we went to a gig,
To be romantic for her I did a little jig,
Unfortunately that went and dislodged my secret wig.

∞

I Love Your Fried Chicken

Couldn’t be arsed buying a present so I told the wife, “Love you, babe!”
She sulked because she’d asked for tickets to the Bahamas,
I gave in and we went to KFC to get a bucket.