When your employees attend work at your premises, most of them are usually wearing clothes. Indeed, most will also wear some kind of footwear—such as shoes.
But what happens when a lone maverick starts attending work in flip-flops, their foot stench so strong it affects productivity? This guide will help you sort out these SOBs.
Your Business’ Flip-Flops Legal Rights
It’s important to stress your stance on flip-flops from day one.
When a new starter begins their job, make sure you address them in an intense 1-1 about your views on flip-flops.
This is particularly important for liberal male staff members with long hair, as they’re likely to be the worst offenders in this regard. Explain aggressively to them:
- Flip-flops are a product of communism and, as such, must not infect your capitalist working environment.
- Feet are pretty gross and no one wants to see that at work.
- Man feet smell bad and no one wants to smell that.
- The flip-flopping noise is an auditory obstruction and, therefore, bad for productivity.
- Grown men shouldn’t be wearing flip-flops, FFS.
- Anyone who attends work in flip-flops will be tasered and sent home once they’ve stopped dribbling.
Due to the Health and Safety at Work etc. Act 1974, you can stipulate that flip-flops are a workplace hazard.
Under the Flip-Flops at Work etc. (Sandals, Crocs) Act 2014 you can also legally ban flip-flops (and sandals or crocs) from your working environment.
This is due to the Act’s stipulation that:
“Loose and noisy footwear at work raises several issues that constitute a threat to national security. In particular, flip-flops are a health and safety risk due to:
a) Longstanding connotations of communist regimes.
b) The generally grotesque nature of man feet.
c) Trips, falls, sprains, and limb loss due to flip-flop incidents.
It is the HSE’s (Health and Safety Executive) advice that all businesses ban dodgy footwear to maintain proper working standards.
You have the legal right to behead any employees who refuse to comply with your Anti-Flip-Flop policy.
Just to clarify there, that isn’t a typo:
“You have the legal right to behead any employees who refuse to comply with your Anti-Flip-Flop policy.”
This was considered overly harsh a penalty by the business world, but it isn’t a typo and you can behead as many staff members as you please (for breaching the Flip-Flops at Work etc. (Sandals, Crocs) Act 2014).
However, it’s good business practice to not behead your employees. As this would be bad for morale and could create a toxic working environment.
Your Business’ Flip-Flops at Work Policy
In your policy you need to lay out your business’ rules on footwear in the working environment.
This needs to be separate to your dress code, as (let’s face it) feet are a bit… you know.
Generally, you just want to make sure your male employees don’t turn up to work sporting flip-flops. This is easier said than done. As such, your policy must be draconian.
State the following measures to block all flip-flop wearing:
- A total ban on the footwear item.
- Armed guards on your premises 24/7 to shoot down any flip-flop wearing offenders.
- The use of public stocks to stuff offenders into for ritual humiliation—to make your point clear, pelt them with smelly old flip-flops and socks.
- As a last resort, turn to your legal right to beheadings. Just remember to carry out executions during lunch breaks, so as to avoid unnecessary delays to productivity.
Remember, shoes are a perfectly adequate form of footwear for your working environment.
Make sure your halfwit staff understands this! If it has to turn into a bloodbath to make your point, ensure you exert your legal rights as a superior business owner.
If you will pull out your OSHA handbook you’ll find under statute 171.4 an addendum stating that is it unconstitutional to forbid flip flops, Birkenstock’s, or sandals in the workplace. There is a stipulation that the feet flopping around in this foot wear must be well manicured, toe nails shined or polished , and of course powered with some perfumed concoction from Body Works. Just so you know and to head off a lawsuit.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’ll warn you British citizens have been BANISHED from these isles for slander such as that. Behave! First warning.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Luckily I’m not a British citizen and can quote OSHA without fear of banishment. 🦶🦶
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry I can’t hear you, I’m blasting God Save the Queen at full volume and revelling in being British. 🏴 🇬🇧 👑 👸
LikeLiked by 2 people
Who could blame you…not I. No flip flops and that’s final. 🇬🇧 👑 👸
LikeLike
What do Americans wear then? Clogs!? LOL!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, for one thing it’s hot as Hades in Florida.
LikeLike
Move to Antarctica then!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would miss the gators and iguanas and sand and sun.
LikeLike
I last saw the Sun in September, I think. We don’t get that round these parts much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope you take your Vitamin D.
LikeLike
I do, yes, I have fizzy tablets.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmmm, well ok. Take you Vitamins. 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
Those are sandals not flip flops. Problem solved!
LikeLiked by 1 person
When is a flip-slop not a sandal? When it’s a sandal. *bah dum tish*
LikeLike
I had to come read this when I saw the title!
We are forbidden to wear sandals, flip flops or any open toed shoes on a film set!!!!!!! No ifs, ands or butts.
I’m still in shock from seeing a croc. Whoever invented those, should be fed to Crocs!
Okay, now I go put my mutilated foot up!
LikeLiked by 1 person
No flip-flops on film sets? What the hell? What about if it’s a film where everyone wears flip-flops, are they all added with CGI later? Preposterous!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I suppose if the film was about a Birkenstock cult, that would be okay!
LikeLike
There’s a simple solution to all of this. Moon boots.
LikeLike
I think those are my feet!
LikeLike
I can live with that. Please forward the money on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes indeedy. Right after you forward 49.50 for the use of my feet.
LikeLike
No. That ain’t happening.
LikeLike
Are you putting your foot down with me? No money for the outstanding foot shot?
LikeLike
Do you own any flip-flops? That’s the important question here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I most certainly have my share of flip flops 🩴
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hmmm… I think women can get away with it but, being horribly sexist, I think men should NOT be going their gross man feet out.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What is it with mens feet? They need fresh air and walks on the beach.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dunno. They’re gross, though, and should be banned. Not even Brad Pitt’s feet are worthy of anything.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Men should keep those feet covered up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m all in favour of pushing for a law on it, yes. I shall hack my feet off to prove my point if needs be. That’s how dedicated I am to the cause!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Don’t be hasty. Double sock and wear boots and insist on turning out the lights.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh I’m in thermal sock mode. It be cold in England, lady!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thermal socks are cool 😎. I was lying out in the sun, sweating ( perspiring, sorry) it’s high 80’s here and big fluffy clouds ☁️ seem to be motionless.
LikeLiked by 1 person
High 1980s? Must be banging out some great synth music, then. Don’t forget to grow your mullet out! 👍
LikeLike